Tuesday, November 1, 2011

What is my favorite part about writing?

According to my sister I am an author. I do love my sister but she is full of it as the only thing I have authored of late is a grocery list, a to-do list and several difficult but necessary emails. I am only a wanna-be author, an in my dreams author, a hopefully someday author. But alas, I do love to write, which is how she suckered me into this endeavor.

So here is my favorite (or according to my thoroughly Canadian sister "favourite") part about writing....... Writing gives me a voice.

I can't count how many conversations, whether deep, angry, important, helpful, heated, emotional, uncomfortable or enjoyable, I have ended only to realize LATER exactly what I should have said. You know that moment when out of the clear blue the most genius comeback, answer, or advice pops into your head? Well that moment never comes in time to do me any good.

The truth is I would rather not have a face to face conversation with you, at least not one of any importance. I know that if I do I will most likely blurt out an angry response, confess something I will regret later, give you ridiculous advice, spout off completely insensitive cliches, or worst of all I will allow my emotions get the best of me. I will inevitably get mad if I can't express myself or feel that I am not being heard. When I get mad I cry and when I cry my credibility evaporates. My language is not the spoken word.

I much prefer the written word. When I write, as if by magic, I suddenly know exactly what I want to say. My thoughts and opinions, my intentions and desires, my encouragement and advice, my admonishments and reproach, all the verbal soup swimming around in my head will coalesce into something that actually makes sense! If I sit down to type out an email I have the power to address any issue, no matter how unsavory. I don't get flustered, I don't stammer, I don't blubber.

My husband deadpanned to me just the other day, "You're writing her an email? Why don't you just sit her down and tell her to her face?" He has never had a problem telling anyone exactly what is on his mind, he says whatever he wants and lets the chips fall where they may. Do you have any idea how much I admire and envy this quality? Especially given that what comes out of his mouth is typically thoughtful, intelligent, helpful and best of all witty as heck. So of course he doesn't understand why I would choose to write an email over confronting someone in person. He cannot relate. Where I flounder he flourishes.

At an early age I was told that no one was going to listen to what I had to say. Unfortunately I believed that lie and the person who told it stole my voice with it. Thank the Lord, I still have my pen.

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